EQUINE WELFARE – MEA CULPA
This is a picture of my last little Shetland pony (or more of her mouth and teeth) – after maybe all the 25 horses that has been my responsibility to care for, during the last almost 20 years.
She was diagnosed with EOTRH today (Equine Odontoclastic Tooth Resorption and Hypercementosis) – you can read more about it here, I just googled it and picked a random page describing it – most pages says approximately the same: https://midwestvetdental.com/equine-dentistry/eotrh-syndrome/
My pony moved to a new place, even out of the country, a couple of weeks ago. This is what the new place is saying about the diagnosing of EOTRH as what is happening to her:
“Equine Welfare…
There is so much talk, so much advocacy.
Our dentist was here today - the „tooth fairy“ who does teeth without sedation. An incredible woman who responds to each horse in the moment and is fantastic in her profession.
Taking care of horses‘ teeth - … I don‘t use the word „should“ often, but will now: when we own horses, imo, it is up to us to ensure their physical well being. Including their teeth. Subjecting a horse to sessions without being aware of potential pain and infections in their mouths is … imo - not just pure neglect but unethical.
We had bad news today: the pony we took on to avoid her being put down has severe infections and broken, lost and damaged teeth. Which sure would explain her not wanting to be handled. We have let her be to get settled in, and she has been more open day by day - so it was time to give her a good check up. The result: Years of neglect. Time for a vet to get her pain free again. 🥴”
I could say a lot to explain and defend myself, but I won’t. This is really my fault. I have failed this little pony. I have not taken my responsibility. This happened in my own backyard. I did not pay attention. And I have acted neglectfully. Period. This is not a defense speech.
It is not the first time I failed a horse, there were many years, I worked around the clock to make sure all horses were taken care of, that was on my farm. But really, I could not. Though I medicated for Cushing’s, always gave a couple of horses special diets, learned about EMS, laminitis, how to prevent, treat, help horses who chocked, colicked (not mine but livery horses – funnily enough my own horses once let out to live out 24// never colicked). I lived thinking about equine welfare day and night. Pasture management, feed, hoofs, teeth, stomachs, furs, movement, social dynamics – you name it.
And yet here I am, with a pony that I failed to notice she has severe EOTRH. I can blame it on lots of things, but again – what is the point? It is my fault. As it was when I could not figure out how to help my huge warmblood gain weight more permanently (despite several years of efforts), or help my gelding with a cancerous tumor on his head, or the small shetlandpony whose feet looked horrible from years of cushing’s (he came to me when he was 23), or the pony with pain in his sacroiliac joint who got aggressive and bucked the kids off. Or the other pony who got aggressive and bit the kids due to god knows what (he went back to his previous owners), or the pony with a swelling in her back, or the pony with swelling of her tear canals from too tightly strapped nosebands, or the former police horse whose teeth was as horrible as his feet – not to mention the starvation he suffered from (he was starved when he arrived – we eventually gave up on him, as the neighbors kept on reporting us for maltreatment – he too could simply not gain back enough weight), or the laminitic pony, or the pony with wounds in her mouth from too harsh bits… I can go on. You get the picture. None of the horses (except one) were healthy. All were sick and hurt in one way or the other, or most of them, in many ways. The one who was not sick, got sick in the end as I could not figure out how to manage the grazing for him, and he too got laminitic.
The pony with the EORTH was doing quite well (or so I thought :-/) – she had some eczemas, she hated to have treated. But apart from that she did not get laminitic, not too fat or too thin, she did get checked regularly – but I still failed her. I did not check her thoroughly enough, and I failed to detect the EORTH.
Mea Culpa. I really mean it. It is my fault for not paying attention, for not having a better check-up system in place. For not thinking to check her mouth. It slipped me by. And it should not have.
It is very obvious she is in great pain now. And I am happy she is somewhere where people will give her the treatment she needs and of course very much deserves.
I am not telling these stories to free me from any responsibilities. Though I failed horses regularly – I also think I did some good stuff. And learned a lot. It was all a journey. One hell of a journey, at time - though also with great moments!
I also have met and seen and known some very skilled horse professionals. I have also met horse professionals who were not so skilled. It took years of learning to also be able to know whom to trust speaking about my horses (or any horses).
Equine welfare – is a swamp and a trench. Through the years I have concluded that whilst I can do something that highly benefits my horse in one way, it will contradict another need he/she has. I cannot win the welfare game (it is not of course a game – without proper welfare – there is nothing). Yet - it is a constant catch 22.
I have also studied welfare from so many perspectives. I cannot of course right now find the study that says, was it that 90% or 80% of all domestic horses have ulcers? But since we cannot see it – we don’t know it. I am glad my pony has a pain that is so visible and that is “easy” to fix with surgery (ulcers e.g. are not).
There is a huge debate going on – in regard to the exposing footage from the Danish dressage rider Helgestrand’s facility.
I thought about it, and concluded – who am I to throw any stones? I am not making money on horses in pain, but gee – I know I am far from perfect when it comes to equine welfare, and today – that became – again – more than obvious.
I really wonder if there is a way to keep, manage, train, handle – and so on – horses that would be giving horses proper welfare? In all aspects, from biological, to social, emotional, and cognitive welfare?
I don’t think so. Maybe this is why I am so drawn to working with feral-living horses? Because in them I see clearer what welfare is? Or maybe I am just avoiding responsibility this way?
I have been speaking about equine welfare for years and years. Studied it, experimented, been an early adopter of more natural ways to keep horses. And I have failed over and over – and now again. This time so blatantly it screams in my face. Yet I had all the best intentions in the world, not to mention plenty of love and affection for my horses, including this little sweet pony.
Maybe I felt it coming? I have been quite quiet lately – not been posting much about equine welfare.
Now I feel I have nothing to say, and with this, my last failure, I can see how I have lost all credibility speaking about equine welfare.
So I won’t. I will take a break. Not sure for how long. Not sure of how to proceed with anything right now. I feel utterly tired. As if it is really not possible to provide true equine welfare, without compromising it in one end or the other. Without being a control freak, stressing oneself around the clock for this or that. And still – your horse – my horse – will end up with some welfare issues. Lameness, sore backs, metabolic syndromes, ulcers – the list is endless.
Mea Culpa. Throw your stones. I am not a masochist – but I do feel I deserve some stones right now. You all have all the right in the world to be upset with me for failing my poor pony so blatantly.
But in the big schemes of things, I am not alone. I know that. And knowing my own failures, I have lost my righteousness. Despite all my knowledge, all the stuff I should know and should know how to check for and do, I failed this pony, as I failed so many of the others in my care.
And I think I have lost all trust and belief in keeping domestic horses. I think the biggest welfare issue for horses – is humans, end of story.
I want to point out again – this is not a defense speech. I am devastated by this, my last failure. In fact, I am in total shock. How could this happen??? But it did. And I was the one causing this. Neglect.
So – with this, I don’t feel credible. Not to myself, not to anyone. Not now. Maybe later? Or not. We will see.
To all who feel betrayed. I am sorry. I am very, very sorry.
And to give me the break I need – I will only discuss this here on the blog – if anyone has a serious comment. I will log out of Facebook until my mind has cleared. This affects me deeply. As welfare – believe it or not – for equines, for humans, for all beings – is utterly important to me. But be civil please, I know I am guilty of neglect, and I do feel very ashamed of the suffering I have caused. Yet – this is bigger than me. We are failing horses on a systemic level (which does NOT negate my personal responsibilities – but writing is part of how I try to understand and how I process thing). I share this, not to free myself from responsibility, not to deflect. But actually to use my own failure to point at something that has alluded me for years. Or maybe it is simpler than that - maybe I am just a shitty horse person? I am contemplating all kinds of truths here.
If nothing else, there might be some learning for many to be made from this, not at least about the occurrence and the facts of EOTRH.
Katarina Lundgren, November 2023 – © copyrighted text and header picture of my pony early summer 2022. The picture from today is not mine, the quote is from a public post.
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Comments 18
No stones. One of my friends has a pony with EOTRH. Just a question. Your pony didn't have regular dental checks? Like yearly or so? Just wondering how many time this takes to develop?
No stones my end either. Yes it shouldn’t have happened but we all make mistakes and errors in judgement at times and I am not fully excusing any of us here. You are still one of my favourite and most eloquent speakers on the topic of equine welfare (among other things) this illustration of the messiness and the need for constant ongoing learning and assessment of wellbeing perhaps makes you even more relevant and relatable. It shines a light on the complexity of it. Hang in there x
Thanks Jessie. No it should not have happened. And it is fully my fault it did. We will see about speaking about welfare ahead. Right now I don't feel I have any right to, having missed this. It is not my first hard learning. But shit, I feel very tired of myself and of my mistakes. Yes. It does speak to the need for ongoing assessments, for having a schedule in place, and enough money to be able to implement and stick to it.
Hi Kaat, thanks for your comment and question. No she did not have any regular check-ups with a professional equine dentist, which is my failure towards her. With the risk of sounding like I am defending myself, she is my last horse from quite a big herd - at the most they were 25 horses. Up to 15, I did give them the same as anyone would having one or two horses, but after that - with all the knowledge I gained, we started to discern some stuff ourselves. And I simply never got back into yearly routines. Given I have had to put down the other 24 horses, due to illnesses, old age and old injuries, I only had her in the end. And failed her by not checking her regularly. It might sound horrible that people with many horses working with them daily do not call the vet for the same things you do having one or two horses. It was a financial decision, mostly. And we did have a lot of knowledge. And the vet, other professionals were still called regularly, but more selectively.
I am - obviously - not an expert on EOTRH, but what I have read now is that it develops gradually and is often hard to detect in the beginning. I did check her mouth myself, but not the last 2 years. Which is my neglect. Before that, I could not spot anything strange going on, neither did she lose weight, change in behavior etc. Well. Yet another hard learning. I feel awful she had to experience this. The prognosis is good though, once she has had her front teeth extracted. I sincerely hope she will get much better and I am very grateful to the people helping me right now with this.
Thank you for clarifying! Seems to me this is a condition that deteriorates rapidly, as it is clear that it was not the first time someone looked into her mouth! Thank you for raising awareness. As Maya Angelou said “Do the best you can until you know better. Then, when you know better, do better.” So you help all of us to do better.
Yes. It is known to deteriorate rapidly. It is also known to easily escape the eye of someone not knowledgeable enough to catch it early on. I still feel horrible for not having had her checked at least once a year by a trained equine dentist or vet skilled on teeth.
Yes. When we know better, we do better, once we have processed and integrated the learning. Which is what I am doing, to the best of my ability. At least this has the potential to do just that - raise awareness of the importance to have the right people checking your horses, as well as to have it done regularly. And a second thing - to not take on responsibility beyond your capacity. Worst case scenario - someone ends up being really hurt. Like now. Despite the best intentions. At times responsibility just lands in your knee - then seeking help is crucial. Otherwise, again, someone might end up being really hurt. Hard lesson for me. If help is not available - this happens too - Pain and suffering will be show up and will demand to be dealt with.
After all, it just goes to show how hard we women have to fight to survive. I wish we could be kind and loving and save the whole world. It is as it is. This is sometimes not possible. How many horses in the world suffer pain, live in small cages, are beaten and abused. But it is presented as a beautiful fairy tale. Will be fine with the little heroic horse.
I want to speak to your courage and openness of leaning into what has happened and owning it. That takes courage, and I see that. Be as gentle with yourself as you can. It doesn't excuse what has happened but it can make a difference to how you go forwards.
I am not wanting to excuse what has happened. There are none. The shame is hard. Trying to hold myself with compassion. But to be honest - it sucks to be me right now - knowing the suffering I have caused makes me sick to my stomach. I have no idea how to move forward right now. But am very very lucky my pony is finally getting the attention and help she needs. That other people have stepped in where I failed.
I am very sorry that this happened. But my stomach hurts every day from the thought of what I didn't do or don't do because I didn't notice, didn't have the strength, didn't have the time, didn't have the hope. The advice to ask a vet or blacksmith is what drives me nuts. It is often expensive and pointless, if only to give you peace of mind that what society expects has been done. It most often does not help the horse, because the vets do not notice, they do not have the strength, they do not have the time, they do not have the knowledge.
I usually try to read how animals feel, but I'm around them every day, I see the smallest change, when there is no possibility to live together and you have to trust strangers, it's more complicated. At this moment, I wonder if I would not have noticed this disease. I was aware of this, it's not new to me and always makes me wonder what changes are needed in keeping and feeding horses, usually lifestyle diseases more than genetics. Horses can live without teeth, I also found out to my surprise. And I'm not a fan of excessive dental control, it often does as much harm as neglect. There is no clear boundary.
Sorry for the google translation, but I hope the idea is clear.
Thank you Selga. Your comment is clear to me. And thank you for hearing me in the impossibility of never messing up and getting it wrong. Without going in to detail, I was not around, was not present, did not share location with my pony. I did not see her everyday, at times, hardly at all. But it was still my responsibility to make sure she has everything she needs, and in this I failed her. For all the reasons you mention above, time, money, energy, access to the right people and so on.
Equine welfare - sounds straight and simple. And to trust the professionals. One time that was such a huge mistake from my side, to trust a recommended farrier, it almost costed me the life of several of my horses, luckily it "just" ended me up with years of rehabilitation + a great deal of harassment, and huge expenses, of course.
Nothing of what I say make the fact that I neglected to have this little pony's teeth checked go away, at least once a year, by someone who would be able to detect a disease like EOTRH, as I clearly, for different reasons, was not.
It is a horrible feeling, to have caused unnecessary pain. For perhaps, a very long time. It makes me question if I every want to live with/have horses again - as it is unavoidable, to miss things, as you also are well aware of. I have yet to visit a horse place where there are no welfare issues going on. And I have visited many, many places. I wish we could support each other to more learning, not judge, but help with ideas, knowledge, support. To minimize suffering, instead of contributing to more of it by not being able to talk about this constant welfare mess.
Again, not to excuse myself, I totally missed this welfare issue. And that is one more miss I have to live with.
We are currently discussing this case in the Latvian group, and I think more that it is an autoimmune disease, as evidenced by various articles. Could it have been prevented? I do not know. Pull teeth faster? Less stress? Another way of life? Food? Maybe. My mare, who lives like everyone else, does suffer from arthritis, but we are not ready to part ways as long as I can see her eating, moving, and interacting with others.
Don't blame yourself.
That is interesting to hear. This is one of the few areas I am unknowledgeable, beyond the basics, the area of teeth. About hoofs and digestive systems e.g. I learned the hard way... also from sick and injured horses.
She is a sensitive little pony. And had her eczemas, they got better, but never disappeared fully. So something is going on in her. Skin and digestion is often connected. Maybe teeth is part of it?
She will have her teeth pulled. And hopefully that will give her pain relief and a chance to some more good years. It is interesting, though being a shetlandpony she has never been prone to laminitis (she is 28 now), and have really good hoofs.
She was definitively stressed when she came to us. And did prefer to stay away from people. She hated any kind of treatment. Letting her be and stay in the periphery seemed to suit her, she is super good with other horses. In her new place it seems she is again interested in people.
I don't know. I do blame myself for not checking her teeth. But in all of it - I was simply not enough. My attention too divided. And she suffered from it. I need to think about how I want to integrate this learning. Also in how I move ahead. Thanks for interesting info on this disease. And for your kindness.
I just want to tell you that I LOVE YOU, I love the way you teach, I love the way you are opend to discuss any topic, I love your HUUGE knowledge and for that PLEASE the world needs people like you.
Like Jessie said, we all make mistakes. And what we must do is lear form them and not let the same mistake occur again, that would be failure.
I wish you can find peace in your heart, I wish you all the best and I really hope to be able to read your stories again, to listen to your teachings again, and to meet you in person one day.
xxx
Thank you Emma Lucia for your kind words. I ponder how we can live less stressful lives, where we have more support, and more openness to prevent one person's blind spots to cause that amount of damage and suffering? How we can access more good professional support? Today money is an issue, for many. This year - in many places, people will not even be able to afford enough hay and straw for their horses. What do you do when you are responsible for horses (or other beings), and your capacity and resources are not enough? At what point in time will you notice that things are slipping through the cracks? And even if you do - what can you do?
I will learn from this too. I do hope to find peace in my heart over this. To find more peace - just in general. You will see me write about this and process it some more. Hopefully that will help me find some directions from here.
Again - thank you for your support and kindness½
Life comes and sometimes we are driven in survival any other needs can't be held or seen it to me is an overwhelm.
You have been in a tough course of self survival.
Battling to keep going battling to keep seeing.
Yes you may feel shame and shock that this sad condition was missed.
You will feel the core of care can not be spoken of if those vulnerable in your care aren't seen.
I have been so tired I haven't checked somethingI should have...
I have felt so exhausted in caring and found myself in a place I didn't know I was in.
There's a place of numbness to what we believe is safe but we are not looking at them because we just believe they are safe.
I've missed some things that caused events that hurt me badly and hurt them badly.
What can I change when this happens.
Well like you are now... I wake up from my own battles and see beyond me and what I believe is safe and take some pressure off myself.
When your inside a battle you can't think about much else but to breathe.
You have so much to give, you've so much weight on your shoulders finding your way.
This pony will be ok.
Unlike some of my mistakes when I was in overwhelm and couldn't see any other problems or responsibilities because of the weight of my own.
Please lighten the load for yourself.
No stones here it's so hard when it's public to move through to waking up and taking positive actions. Xxx
And huge hug to you...
It's so shit felling ashamed and shocked. Xxx
Thank you Kharon, I know you have your own experience of very tough times. It is hard, isn't it? To see all your own failures - leading to pain, hurt, stress - for others. And often, it comes from us over-extending ourselves. Not meaning to hurt, but to help, assist, do for... But ending up doing just that, as we take on more than what is humanly possible to cope with. Why do we do that? Well, for one thing, is is some utterly crappy societal model of rewarding a behavior where we exhaust ourselves. Working yourself to the bones is seen as admirable.
But on a deeper psychological level, I know I do it to be able to count myself into the part of humanity that is "good". I fear being a bad person. And the irony? That is exactly how I turn out - trying to do too much good :-/ ... Things then, e.g. slip through the cracks. Like a pony who seems fine? Give no signs of being in pain or wanting anything from me? I am pretty sure I was not the first human in her life that broke the trust between pony and person. I have just been one in a long line. Which makes it even sadder. Did he try to speak to me? I am sure she did. But I did not listen :-/ As myself - she is a sensitive being, not particularly loud.
I was, as you say, too busy with my own suffering. To lift my nose and see hers. To make sure she did not have any serious issues going on. That she seemed fine is no excuse. Perhaps an explanation, but not an excuse. The second irony is that she is very like me in this way of being. As a child I did not make much noise either. To call for attention. It makes me feel like I "should" have been able to pay more attention to her, knowing that in the most still waters (quiet beings) you sometimes find the most chaos and pain.
What is done to us and not resolved we do to others. The chain of trauma and neglect. It seems I have more personal work to do...
Yes I do feel shame. I work on turning it into guilt. To see that I am not a bad person, but my actions towards her was bad. I can't undo them. I have to accept that I caused this pain for her. But there is no point in me going under because of it. Or getting stuck in my own pain over what I have caused. For one thing, it is certainly not helping her.
It of course reminds me of other pains I have caused through my life. So much it is the reason I am sensitive to believing I am all through bad. Making me defensive and vulnerable to not owning my mistakes. Which is why this is important to me - to fully own it - and risk the judgments. And still know I have value as a person.
The load IS heavy right now. Part of me just want to go and hide. Which is again why I stay open, sharing, not seeking comfort and sympathy - but to be honest - I fucked up. I have a choice to use it as a bat and beat myself up, or I learn from it. And let it also make me yet a bit more humble.
Thank for the hug! Hugs back. We bend also from our mistakes - feel the load - but bending helps us avoid the breaking. And bent down, I am close to the ground. And from the ground - I can steady myself again. And then lift myself up, step by step. I think you know what I mean?
How I adore you, the earth is such a safe place to start bending.... and allow self expectation to let go when bending isn't enough xx